Friday, June 15, 2012

Losing Myself

I last posted here a year ago. I started this blog as a way to work through my feelings and transition as I moved from a full-time employee, mom and wife to a stay-at-home mother and wife. After I left my job, I just sort of lost myself in daily life. All the build up and anticipation of quitting my job sort of fizzled as I realized that being at home was a lot like a job too.

I'm trying to start afresh again and really find my passion. Find out where I fit. I love some aspects of being home, others not so much. But I don't want to wake up five years from now and realize that I've just been doing the daily dance instead of building the life that I'm meant to live.

So here it is, plain and simple: I'm more than just a mom, I'm more than just a mother, I'm more than just a housekeeper, home organizer, laundress, short-order cook, and nurse. I'm me too. I've let that slip away a little. I need to find her again. Figure out what makes her tick. While I love taking care of my family, that is not all that I am.

I'm determined to figure it out now. I let myself just be for a year. And now the work begins. Today, tomorrow, all throughout the next year. I need to focus on me. It sounds self-centered and egotistical. And perhaps it is. But more than just a mother and a wife, my family needs a whole and complete me. It may mean going back to work, going to school, starting a business, finding a volunteer passion, or none of the above.

We'll see where my journey takes me. I'm not just along for the ride anymore.

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