As I finished my last post, I reflected on why I’m writing about this topic. I enjoy writing. I love sharing with other people. My decision to quit my job and stay home with the kids touches almost every part of my life and the lives of my family. It’s a decision that I’ve been building up to for the better part of two years. It took me about that long to get up the courage to get pregnant with my second daughter too. So for me writing about all of this is cathartic. If I didn’t write about it, someone would have to listen to me talk about it. I think I might run out of family and good friends before I was done with it.
I ruminate. I have to pull apart every decision, examine every little piece, and play out every possible scenario. Part of it is my own self doubt. It isn’t uncommon for me to make a decision and then quietly back myself out of it over a period of time.
I can’t silence the voice of doubt in my mind. I still have to work through all of the myriad arguments that contradict my decision. My husband is always there resolute, behind me, supporting me every step of the way, never falling prey to my counter-arguments. He is the one who redirects me and focuses me back on the original reasons for why I’m making a decision. I’ve heard him several times over the past several days tell me, “this is what you want”. He is right you know.